Relationship Diary: Another Life Changing Relationship

I have been off my writing game because I had to sit back and regroup for a minute. I have shared things with you; major milestones, my friend’s craziness and now, my most recent break-up.

I never realized that you give and trust the person that you are in a relationship with so much. You have all of their pertinent information.  Man, I have to delete so much stuff it is ridiculous.  Not to mention, I have to change passwords and he does too, I digress.

EP and I decided to go our separate ways. Hell, we did that a while ago and I wasn’t ready to share that with you.  He and I had been going through some hard times for a while.  We were on/off, disconnected, reconnected and finally met the break-up point.  We didn’t split because of the distance, but because we are in two different phases in our lives. 

Friend's Escapades: Cold Busted

  

I will have to get Jess to sign on or I have to give Jess a category of her own (which I have).  Well anyway, she wants me to share her last escapade with you guys since she has shared everything else.

Jess called me Friday night to tell me that she was FINALLY done with her boo.  Remember the first thing he did was disappear from her.  He did call her back and gave her a sob story about having financial issues.  The second thing was that he didn’t share things with her.  Now he has been cold busted.

Any hoo, she went on to tell me that her friend called her.   Her friend told her that she had seen “Jarred” for several days at a house located down the street from where she lived.  Jess knew that he had only lived in an apartment with a friend. Then Jess took it upon herself to do a little investigating of her own before calling “Jarred” on what her friend said.

Love Spats: Share & Share Alike

After chatting with Jess about her new beau, I began to think about how much women share feelings, concerns and problems with others, especially our men.  On the other hand, men aren’t so open to sharing; hmm! 

All of this came about when Jess was telling me about her concerns.  She expressed that her beau told her that he had a lot going on and he would talk to her about it.  A few days passed and he still had not shared one single thing with her, except to tell her that it has nothing to do with the two of them.  She started to reconsider continuing her journey with this guy.  She said that if he can’t trust her enough to share what is going on with him then there is no need to be in a relationship with this person.

Love Lost: The Relationship That Changed Me

Sebastian came into my life when I was not expecting to meet a man.  I truly believed in fate and that there is someone for everyone.  I also believed that I had found that in Sebastian.  He was definitely my soul mate.  I could share things with him and not be judged. He would listen and show concern when I told him what was on my mind.  He could even recall what I had told him at a later time; a memory like an elephant!  He was a wonderful person who brightened my life.  I wanted to share everything I had with him.  I was willing to make all of his pain, stress and suffering go away.  I did not want to expect anything or be on a different level with him.  I knew that I really cared for Sebastian.  He would tell me that he loved and wanted to be with me as well.  When we were together, I felt that I was very important to him.  I must tell you that I was truly happy, emotionally and physically with Sebastian. The more time that we would spend together; the more time I wanted to spend with him. 

After our relationship was in full swing, Sebastian would disappear. What I mean is, when I would call him, he would not return my calls for hours or even days.  Hell, I may not hear from him for weeks    I would send text messages and would receive no responses.  When he called or texted, his excuse always had something to do with work. 

When Sebastian did return my calls, he would tell me that he was still fully vested in our relationship.  He told me worry when he would tell me that it was over.   He never understood how his disappearing acts bothered me.  You know my dumb, green, blinded by love ass, believed him and keep the faith in our relationship.

Friend's Escapades: A Cold Disappearance

A few days ago, during my time of writing my tell all blog entry about the relationship the changed my life (coming very soon), one of my girlfriends called to have girlfriend talk; I have her permission to share this with you.  She told me that she was finished and done with her Boo.  I was a little set back because she had meet him about a month ago and she was all gung ho about him. So of course I had to ask her for details.  She opened up the flood gates and went to sharing. 

She met this guy on Facebook and they started texting and messaging from that point on. He is her fraternal brother so of course she knew she had snagged a potential partner. He was on her level.

She went on to say they meet up one weekend and she had a blast with him. He even went so far as to introduce her to his parents and other family members; sounds great, doesn’t it?  They bonded like a true couple. The conversations had turned into spending more time together.  They even scheduled weekend getaways in the near future.  Things were looking up until he got the “crumb cake”.

First Hand Knowledge of a Player

The other night, EP and I were partaking in some fun at Dave and Busters.  When this nice couple walks up to the bar and have a sit next to us.  I turned and noticed that the girl was a beautiful girl and the guy was good looking as well. 

After a drink, the girl ask her Boo for a couple of dollars to go play some games. He handed her the money. Before she could walked off, he leaned over, kissed her and told her he loves her; aww so sweet!

Now hold on, because this is where I lost all respect for this guy.  He turns around to locate where she went.  When he spotted her, he turned back around, picked up his phone and began to text a chick.  I know you are asking how I know this.  Well, he placed his phone next to me on the bar.  His phone lit up and a chick’s name appeared.  Apparently, he must have told her that she was “just a friend”, because her name appeared when the messages came through.  Anyhoo, he would text this girl then turn around to see if his girl was in the same place. This went on for about fifteen minutes.   

Love Spats: Men and the Remote Control

My coworker and I were asking each other if we had watch our shows, Dallas and Kim & Kourtney Takes Miami (KKTM).  I told her that I was able to watch some of Dallas but did get a chance to catch up on all of the episodes of KKTM. She then told me she had missed them because her beau was pouting because he wasn’t getting enough attention. 

She went on to tell me that they are constantly fighting over the remote.  She said he even clutches it in a death grip when he is asleep. I laughed for a second and realized that EP does the same.

I began to enlighten her on my tug-a-war with EP and the remote.  I told her that I get to watch Sports Center or any other sports stations when we are together. If I try and go in the other room, then he pouts.  I usually have to go digging for the remote when he falls asleep.  But he fixed that by turning the TV off before he goes to sleep.  

Family Mixer: His Family Meet Up

Well the time finally presented itself for the tables to turn on me meeting his family.  The meet and greet time was set during my Atlanta bound trip over the Valentine’s weekend.  We would be joining his parents for dinner.  

EP explained that his mom is similar to mine.  She is also a no-nonsense type of lady, too.  She will say upfront if she doesn’t like a person and make his relationship hard.  I was talking ‘crap’ about EP meeting my family, but now the shoe is on the other foot; freaking out over here!

I have spoken and texted Mother EP on several occasions.  However, EP had me so nervous to meet the lady that I was close to backing out of going altogether. Then, I had to tell myself, he met your family now you have to put on your big girl panties and meet his.  He also planned to include his daughter in the mix.  He said it was time for us to meet.  We will have to pick up his daughter at her mother’s house. Not only will I be meeting his parents; but I will meet his daughter and her mother, as well; oh me oh my! Now my nerves are really out of whack.

Dating: Changing Phone Numbers

My cousin and I were chatting the other day about changing phone numbers.  She is possibly going to change hers because she is falling head over heels for her guy.  She said that she wants to because that would end all communication with other guys that aren’t looking for progression with her. In addition, that would let her guy know that it is all about him and she is serious about their relationship.  She suggested that I should change mine too, if a relationship would take off for me.

So, I started thinking; Hum, would I change my phone number because I am in a ‘serious’ relationship with someone?  After considerable thought, I can honestly say without hesitation, I would NOT change my phone number.  Reason being, I have had this number for several years and I want to keep my number.  Family members, business partners and friends all have my number.  It would take too much time and energy to make sure the important people have my new number.

Family Mixer: Meeting The Family

It's been several months since EP started swimming in that uncharted river so; he is scheduled to fly back for a visit soon.  What will be different about this trip is, he will meet my family.   Yes, I am almost ready to say I have a boyfriend (manfriend) but; that family approval is needed first!  

Being that I have been married, and through other break ups, my family isn’t accepting of men, anymore.  Sometimes I understand their position on this, because my last boyfriend was really involved with my family.  Therefore, I wasn’t the only person that had broken feelings because that relationship didn’t work.  After, that break up, they were like, “don’t bring anyone else around us!”  But here I am again; about to do what they asked me not to do; chuckle! 

Drifting: A Perfect Weekend

EP and I have finally spent some real time together, since meeting.  We had an awesome time!  He flew into the city early, so we had time to go to one of my favorite hangout spots in the city.  I took him to Port of Call on Esplanade.  He was able to partake in the hamburger with the loaded baked potato.  He loved the atmosphere and said that he could come back to a place like this. 

After eating and having a few drinks at Port of Call, we ventured over to the Superdome for the Hornets vs. Raptures game.  It was really interesting that we decided to go to this game because he is a Hawks fan and of course I am a Lakers fan!  But really the cost of the tickets was hard to pass up on.  The game ended with a Hornets lost in overtime, but this game was truly exciting.

Once the game concluded, we took a stroll down Bourbon to find a place to dance and have some drinks.  We ended up in Channing Tatum’s club/restaurant, Saints & Sinners.  I was truly impressed with the décor and the layout of the place.  The dance floor was a little small for my liking, but the place was on point.  Did I mention there is a stripper pole in the center of the dance floor, giving a side eye!  The music was slamming which caused us to stay there until wee hours in the morning. 

Uncharted Territory: The Discussion

EP and I were chatting about what he wanted. He said he would love to come home with me opening the door saying, "Good morning Honey!" and he would reply,  "Good morning Honeybun!"  Basically he was saying that he would love for us to live together.  So we begin to have a huge discussion about moving!

I asked him would he move to where I am.  He said that he would love to move here but he prefers to stay closer to his daughter.  He then told me that it would be hard for me to move because my children are grounded here.  He said he would prefer me to move there so we could get a place together.

This discussion made me start thinking about how strong does a long distance relationship have to be and how long can it last?  I have to reiterate that he said again, that he isn’t scared of being in a long distance relationship and he is willing to make it work.  However, will we be able to maintain a serious relationship being so far apart? 

Drifting: A Divided Couple

I have never considered being in a relationship where the guy and I didn’t agree on mutual college, NFL or NBA teams, until now.   We don’t share any teams in common. This brings disagreement on Thursday, when we do football picks for college and pro teams.  

Being that he lives in a different state, he follows all of his state's teams.  Not to mention that his state’s NFL team (Dirty Birds, Falcons) is a long-time rival for my state’s (Saints) team.  We are truly a divided couple and I foresee this as being a huge problem for us! We shall see! 

It isn’t just football; it is basketball too.  I am a true Lakers fan and he LOVES the Hawks.  I am really happy they don’t have to play each other, but there is a lot of crap talking about each other’s favorite teams!  He does want me to go to a Hawks vs. Heat game!   I will need some serious meds before I attend this game, because  I totally dislike the Heat!  

Work in Progress: Matter of Marriage

I am still digging deeper within myself so I can fix my issues before I venture into the next relationship.  My next issue, that needs attention, is the matter of marriage.

When it comes to marriage, this topic usually is the nail in the coffin!  I have been married before and it was an eye opener for me.  There were good days and of course in any marriage, there were those unbearable days.  Because I have been though a marriage I am hesitant about marrying again; who isn’t, right?  

Going through the divorce to end that marriage, wasn’t like most. We didn’t fight over anything but it was still a low time in my life.  We both knew it was over and time to put our energy elsewhere.  We are better now as friends.  Divorce for anyone can be difficult and it just something that I don’t want to experience again.  Some "love struck" people may say that I will find that RIGHT one and divorce may not be an option, but I am a realist that crap happens.   

Love Lost: Closing a Chapter

Recently, I closed a major chapter in my life.  I finally realized that the guy I loved and slightly waited for, for some time now, wasn’t going to be by my side as Mr. Jeigh.  I didn’t do the letting go and if he comes back to me, then it is meant to be; routine.  I just decided it was time and walked away.  

I truly believe that all the relationships that followed this relationship were all sabotaged because of my holding on.  With each preliminary round of hopefuls, they didn’t compare to CC or to what I believed I wanted in a relationship.  I have grasped that I have compared every other guy to him and it was truly unfair to these guys and relationships, yes it was all my fault!

Adventure: Mr. Excellent Potential

A few months ago, I began conversing with a guy that turned out to be someone I am really digging.  He has excellent potential to be Mr. Jeigh, yes, I think I have found him!   He is on my level.  He meets all of the standards that are listed on my Beau Material Checklist.

I met Mr. Excellent Potential (EP) in a social setting on one of my getaways.  When I first saw him, his appearance captivated me.   Of course, I could not be myself, if I didn’t find something I didn’t like about him!  I noticed that he was wearing tennis shoes in this fine establishment, hey what can I say, I like a man in a suit!   My sister said, “Oh girl, see passed that stuff and get to know him”.   So, Jeigh went to work, bumping into him purposely and to my surprise he bumped back, cha -ching!  

Right One/Wrong Time

I met (what I think) is the man I am supposed to be with.  I know you are asking, Jeigh, how do you know this? So, let me enlighten you.

When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat.  I had those butterflies in my stomach and of course I felt like I was sixteen again.  A super huge Kool-Aid smile was plastered on my face. Everything he spoke sounded so heavenly.  I got that feeling that most people talk about; that “love at first sight” feeling!  I asked myself, “How could that be? I don’t know anything about this guy!” I wanted to get to know him, had to get to know him.  He was tall, attractive and most of all, he had a wide-spread vocabulary. 

Love Lost: Saying Farewell

A few days ago, I said farewell to a close friend.  He had been there for me when no one else was able to.  He has helped me in ways that I can't even explain to you.  I will never have the chance to return the favor.  He was my Superman, Friend and Confidant all in one.  When he was around, I felt safe and secure. 

The farewell came because I messed up; yes I am admitting that I messed things up.  I thought I needed more from him. When in actuality he was giving me everything I was looking for in others and on the dating sites.  All he wanted to do was make me happy, I missed that boat big time.  I did not realize that at the time.  I understand now why I pushed him away. It is because; I just didn’t know what I wanted.  To be honest, I was afraid to give my heart away, to only get it back smashed, crushed or even broken.

When an Ex-Boyfriend Calls

My ex-boyfriend called me recently and wanted to catch up.  We remained friends and he checks in on me from time to time.  The conversation started off as usual, how are the kids? How am I doing?  How's the family and what have I been up to?  And of course, he asked that nosy question “am I dating anyone”.  When I said that I wasn’t dating anyone, that’s when the chat became a bit unusual.  

He shifted the conversation towards he and I possibly getting something started again, OMG, really?  That shocked me! We broke up over four years ago and we both have moved forth. As well as (not to put him on blast) the Dude is in a relationship with someone, can I say CHEATER!!   We ended our relationship because he was seeing someone else while we were together.  Mercy, this was one of the relationships that made me want to regroup and think about being in another relationship.  I discussed it in “Why Am I Single”. 

Men’s Famous Breakup Lines

Oh yes, I am going there. I am doing this because we as women don’t want to see the “big picture” when men tell us their version of what they want or don’t want. Sometimes we really don’t understand what their “lines” mean. So I am taking the time out to define all of the lines that I have witness or was told by other females.

1. The “I need some time to find myself or I need space." line. If this is the line that is fed to you, please know that he is telling you that you need to go out and do whatever you want, because he is. Don’t wait around for him to come back. Give him all the SPACE in the world. Don’t call, text, email! Don’t even do the famous “surprise” run into him. Begin moving on!

2. The classic "It's Not You - It's Me” line. This is one is my favorites!!! Ugh, I think we all have heard this one. What he is saying is “It is you, it’s not him! This is his chicken crap way of letting you down easy. He wants something other than being in a relationship with you and he will place the blame on himself so it doesn’t impact you that hard.