What Does This Single Girl Do at Christmas?

Year after year since my divorce, I have been alone (no guy friend) to spend the Christmas holiday with.  I know you are asking “what about EP?” Well EP has to work and being that we are still trying to see if we want a relationship, I am spending Christmas alone once again.

Last year, I had surgery and was recuperating around the Christmas holiday.  All I could do was sit around on my mom’s green recliner with meds and a soft white pillow that helped ease the pain from the stitches, very painful!   There really was not much of anything I could do.   I could not go to Christmas parties or visit family members.  I was stuck at my mom’s house in that chair!!!!  Not to mention I was not in a relationship with anyone so spending quality time with a “love interest” wasn't in the cards.

Uncharted Territory: The Discussion

EP and I were chatting about what he wanted. He said he would love to come home with me opening the door saying, "Good morning Honey!" and he would reply,  "Good morning Honeybun!"  Basically he was saying that he would love for us to live together.  So we begin to have a huge discussion about moving!

I asked him would he move to where I am.  He said that he would love to move here but he prefers to stay closer to his daughter.  He then told me that it would be hard for me to move because my children are grounded here.  He said he would prefer me to move there so we could get a place together.

This discussion made me start thinking about how strong does a long distance relationship have to be and how long can it last?  I have to reiterate that he said again, that he isn’t scared of being in a long distance relationship and he is willing to make it work.  However, will we be able to maintain a serious relationship being so far apart? 

Drifting: A Divided Couple

I have never considered being in a relationship where the guy and I didn’t agree on mutual college, NFL or NBA teams, until now.   We don’t share any teams in common. This brings disagreement on Thursday, when we do football picks for college and pro teams.  

Being that he lives in a different state, he follows all of his state's teams.  Not to mention that his state’s NFL team (Dirty Birds, Falcons) is a long-time rival for my state’s (Saints) team.  We are truly a divided couple and I foresee this as being a huge problem for us! We shall see! 

It isn’t just football; it is basketball too.  I am a true Lakers fan and he LOVES the Hawks.  I am really happy they don’t have to play each other, but there is a lot of crap talking about each other’s favorite teams!  He does want me to go to a Hawks vs. Heat game!   I will need some serious meds before I attend this game, because  I totally dislike the Heat!  

Work in Progress: Matter of Marriage

I am still digging deeper within myself so I can fix my issues before I venture into the next relationship.  My next issue, that needs attention, is the matter of marriage.

When it comes to marriage, this topic usually is the nail in the coffin!  I have been married before and it was an eye opener for me.  There were good days and of course in any marriage, there were those unbearable days.  Because I have been though a marriage I am hesitant about marrying again; who isn’t, right?  

Going through the divorce to end that marriage, wasn’t like most. We didn’t fight over anything but it was still a low time in my life.  We both knew it was over and time to put our energy elsewhere.  We are better now as friends.  Divorce for anyone can be difficult and it just something that I don’t want to experience again.  Some "love struck" people may say that I will find that RIGHT one and divorce may not be an option, but I am a realist that crap happens.   

Work in Progress: Communication

I know relationships are hard to maintain and you have to put in work for them to be successful.  Therefore, I dug deeper into what else I need to work on before I venture into any other relationships.  

I started with my issue of communication, especially after speaking with a friend lately.  He said that this was one of my major hiccups.   So, let’s take a look at what is going on:

I believe that communication should flow both ways.  However, after all of the games and foolery that I have gone through with others, I have noticed that my communication is lacking lately!  I don’t give a potential the opportunity to make a mistake; I just jump right into my objective (you have to call or text me).

Love Lost: Closing a Chapter

Recently, I closed a major chapter in my life.  I finally realized that the guy I loved and slightly waited for, for some time now, wasn’t going to be by my side as Mr. Jeigh.  I didn’t do the letting go and if he comes back to me, then it is meant to be; routine.  I just decided it was time and walked away.  

I truly believe that all the relationships that followed this relationship were all sabotaged because of my holding on.  With each preliminary round of hopefuls, they didn’t compare to CC or to what I believed I wanted in a relationship.  I have grasped that I have compared every other guy to him and it was truly unfair to these guys and relationships, yes it was all my fault!

Adventure: Mr. Excellent Potential

A few months ago, I began conversing with a guy that turned out to be someone I am really digging.  He has excellent potential to be Mr. Jeigh, yes, I think I have found him!   He is on my level.  He meets all of the standards that are listed on my Beau Material Checklist.

I met Mr. Excellent Potential (EP) in a social setting on one of my getaways.  When I first saw him, his appearance captivated me.   Of course, I could not be myself, if I didn’t find something I didn’t like about him!  I noticed that he was wearing tennis shoes in this fine establishment, hey what can I say, I like a man in a suit!   My sister said, “Oh girl, see passed that stuff and get to know him”.   So, Jeigh went to work, bumping into him purposely and to my surprise he bumped back, cha -ching!  

Do Not Answer

I made a horrible mistake this past weekend.  I gave my phone number to a guy and today, I am paying a huge cost. 

I met this nice looking gentleman that I thought had great qualities as someone I could get to know more about.  He and I were engaged in conversation for at least an hour. We talked about family, sports, our likes and dislikes as well as predictions for that night’s game.  We exchanged phone numbers and said we would contact one another. 

Mr. Gnat (because I just want to swat him) called me later that day about five times.  I didn’t know I had received all of these phone calls until after I got into an area that had better reception.   When I finally was able to return his phone call, he didn’t answer.  I left a voicemail explaining the situation and let him know that I wasn’t trying to ignore him.  Why didn’t I just leave it at THAT?????

Right One/Wrong Time

I met (what I think) is the man I am supposed to be with.  I know you are asking, Jeigh, how do you know this? So, let me enlighten you.

When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat.  I had those butterflies in my stomach and of course I felt like I was sixteen again.  A super huge Kool-Aid smile was plastered on my face. Everything he spoke sounded so heavenly.  I got that feeling that most people talk about; that “love at first sight” feeling!  I asked myself, “How could that be? I don’t know anything about this guy!” I wanted to get to know him, had to get to know him.  He was tall, attractive and most of all, he had a wide-spread vocabulary. 

Dating: The Texter

I went on a date with this gentlemen and I was finally having a good time.  We were at a local hang out spot that we both picked. Every now and then he would check his phone; at this point it didn’t bother me, because I know he has kids.  It became a problem when in mid conversation he picked up his phone to answer a text message. If you could have seen the look on my face, “priceless” wasn’t even a close enough description.  Dude, did you really just do me like the guy in the ESPN commercial?  

From this point on, he became drawn to his phone.  He began to have a full blown conversation with this person via text message.  He would put the phone down and when the phone would blink he would pick up the phone and respond. So now; I am certain that this cannot be his kids.  I got annoyed and suggested, “Can you tell her that you will get with her after dinner or maybe tomorrow”?  I wanted him to know and understand that he was being down right rude!  He looked at me, chuckled and said, “Oh this is my boy”!  Fool, who do you think I am Wilma Foo Foo? Like hell, that is your boy!  

Dating: The Cheater

I won the Three Month Challenge by a land slide.  His contract became null and void once I found out that he was MARRIED!  This hot information was brought to my attention when I showed a friend a picture of this Creep.  She threw my phone and said, “That is my cousin’s husband”.  We then went through the clarification of things just to make sure we were dealing with the same person. Sure enough he turned out to be her cousin-in-law. 

I know you are saying, “Jeigh, why didn’t you see the signs”?  Well, in actuality he had his game down to a science.  He shot down someone else that was interested in me by telling me that the gentleman was in a serious relationship.  He invited me to his home (told me exactly where he lives) to hang out and wanted me to meet his daughter.  He called me from a home phone and he called late from that phone.  I was also introduced to coworkers and his boss.  Plus he was throwing on “Three Month Challenge” so thick, that I didn’t think this fool would be married.  All of these were indicators that he wasn’t married, which I thought! 

Dating: The Three Month Challenge

A few weeks ago, I met this guy while on an outing with some friends.  We exchanged phone numbers and begin chatting. He suggested a Three Month Challenge, because he said he just had to have me as his lady. 

The Three Month Challenge is to have me completely in love with him in three months.  He incorporated rules to this challenge.  The rules are:

1. Cannot hold back any feelings.
2. Tell how you really feel.
3. Cannot have any built up walls.
4. We have to spend time together as a couple.
5. Cannot take any other dates during these months.

Living Single: Single & Totally Alone

Have you ever been single and been totally alone?  Well, that happened to me recently.  With my son being away in college and the other kids having fun with grandma, I spent some time completely alone.  There was no male companion blowing up my phone or asking to spend time with me. Along with no children asking to go places or asking to use the car. It was just me, myself and I lounging around the house with different thoughts rolling around in my head.

One of my thoughts was to get out of the house and go places.  There is a huge problem with this thought because I am female and by being female, going out alone isn’t safe.  I know some may do it, but this girl ISN’T!  I don’t have many girlfriends and plus the ones I do have are booed up.  Therefore, I know they wouldn’t want to hit the dating scene with me. So, that makes me resort back to finding things to do at home. 

Love Lost: Saying Farewell

A few days ago, I said farewell to a close friend.  He had been there for me when no one else was able to.  He has helped me in ways that I can't even explain to you.  I will never have the chance to return the favor.  He was my Superman, Friend and Confidant all in one.  When he was around, I felt safe and secure. 

The farewell came because I messed up; yes I am admitting that I messed things up.  I thought I needed more from him. When in actuality he was giving me everything I was looking for in others and on the dating sites.  All he wanted to do was make me happy, I missed that boat big time.  I did not realize that at the time.  I understand now why I pushed him away. It is because; I just didn’t know what I wanted.  To be honest, I was afraid to give my heart away, to only get it back smashed, crushed or even broken.

The Date from Hell

I met this guy on line and decided to share my phone number with him. He had struck my interest.  We began to chat via text and he mention that he wanted to meet me.  I should have known something was a little off with the brother because he couldn’t make a suggestion on where to go.  He said that he do not like to make suggestions that it is up to the lady to say where she wanted to go.  So after an hour of round robin, we decided to meet at 6 pm at the daiquiri shop. 

Well, 5 o’clock came around and he text me asking where I was. I told him I was at home. He asked if I was still going to meet him at the place.  I told him I still planned on meeting him.  He then said he was on his way.  I couldn't believe it; we were supposed to meet at 6 o’clock.  He could have let me know he was changing the time, strike 1. 

I rushed and got dressed.  I must have had some superpowers, because it took me no time to get dressed and get in the car.  While I was driving, he texted me and asked me again where I was.  I said I am on my way.  

Single Parenting: Traveling with Big “Little” Man

I have been traveling for my job for the last seven years, but up until recently, I have never been extremely entertained on an airplane.

I shared with you that my son was offered a scholarship from a College in AZ.  With that being said, we decided the best way to get him to AZ was to fly.  Please keep in mind that he has flown before several times, but he was much younger. 

So the journey begins with; both legs of the trip, KB and I were upgraded to first class.  Good thing because, I really don’t think he would have made it in economy! Let me add that his girlfriend and my daughter (it was her first time flying) came along on trip.  They weren’t upgraded, so I decided that I would go visit with them throughout the flights, just to check on Tootlebug.  

Adventures: On-line Dating Check In

I promised that I would keep you guys abreast on my on-line dating adventures, so here it goes. 

Let me start off with; there are some creepy, strange, and scary people in this world.  The lines that you will get are phenomenal (being sarcastic).  I have received request from young boys to old men, and I mean old!  Some of them are really sexy and cute. The rest are a bit less desirable, I know looks are in the eye of the beholder, but that is where I will leave it.  Some knew how to peek my interest, before I would delete the message and some had no freaking clue.  I will share two messages that mimic the usual messages I receive.

Adventures: Online Dating

One of my friends persuaded me to try online dating.  I was very leery about doing such a thing because you hear the horror stories and get skeptical.  So, I said what hell and decided to try it out.  I found a website that was being pushed by Facebook, yea I know; probably the wrong place to start!  However, it wasn’t that bad of a starting point.  

During the whole time I am creating my profile, my conscious is whispering in my ear; I can’t believe you are doing this!  I moved right on along, paid my conscious no attention at all and came up with a cleaver description about myself.  I wanted my profile to be honest and leave a little room for prospects to want to explore more about me.  I know; I am a little sneaky!  

Dating My Television

With some new and old television shows on air, I have found myself being attracted to my television, lately.  I rush home to cook (depending on the mood) work out, then I am either on the sofa or in my comfy bed lusting after my new lover.  Everyday “he” draws me in by displaying shows that makes me happy.  It all starts with;

Sundays

My Lover starts my week off with True Blood, Empire Girls, Drop Dead Diva and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Empire Girls is my newly added reality show.  It is about Adrienne Bailon from the Cheetah Girls and her best friend Julissa Bermudez from 106^th & Park.  This show doesn’t seem like it is scripted at all unlike the Kardashians’ show.  In return, it reminds me of how my friends and I get down, very relatable.  It airs on the Style network.  Check out the details: http://www.mystyle.com/tv-shows/empire-girls/ 

Next, Drop Dead Diva is about a beautiful diva that dropped dead and came back to life as a voluptuous attorney that is hard core.  Oh trust me she is divatized.  It is a humors show you will definitely add to your Sundays. Check it out: http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/drop-dead-diva

Mission 15

A couple of months ago, I created a challenge for myself. I named the challenge, Mission 15.   Mission 15, is to lose fifteen pounds by the end of June.  I created this mission because I noticed that my clothing has gotten a little tight for my liking.  Everyone else says I look great at my current weight.  However, it isn’t what they see; it is what I am comfortable with about myself.  And no, I am not losing weight for ANYONE!  I want that swimsuit ready body; I am in a wedding in November and severely want to get rid of my “muffin top”!  

Therefore, a friend and I began walking around the college campus where I work. Also, when we couldn’t get together, I walk around my neighborhood or a track located at a nearby school.  After I completed my walk and get home I would complete an ab workout.  We had been doing a great job, until the April showers begin to roll in.  So we began to put the walks off as well as my laziness settled in.

Single Parenting: My Proudest Moment

Last month, my eldest son graduated from high school.  An unexplainable emotion came over me.    Hearing his name being called when he walked across the stage to receive his diploma was my proudest moment.  Even though he has won awards, been on television, played in a high school bowl game and was selected All –Metro quarterback, nothing compared to that moment. Right then, I knew I didn’t have a baby anymore and he completed phase one of his life’s journey.   

He was offered a full athletic scholarship to play football at a college in Arizona, which is a twenty-two hour drive away.  Yay, I get to clean his room, cook less food and keep my car parked with gas in it! However, I will miss him. He has been my protector and my “father-figure” when it came to men, overprotective at times.  I will not have that “strong male” in the house to cut the grass, take out the garbage and protect me from the gecko lizards. Yes, I am afraid of geckos; basically anything that moves! I will miss seeing and fussing with him, every day.

Quality Time While Being Sick

I have been sick the last few days and still suffering with a sore throat and ringing in my ear.  My daughter immediately became my living in nurse. Tootlebug (my nickname for her) has kept the kitchen and house clean while keeping me hydrated and on my meds.  She is an incredible nurse!  She shifted her job responsibility by getting me out of bed to make me “feel better”!

She started off with entertaining me with singing songs and reenacting scenes from Burlesque.  Watching her do the “Wagon Wheel Watusi” was hilarious.  Tootlebug was trying her best to do the dance scenes, oh my.  I love her for trying to make me feel better. 

When an Ex-Boyfriend Calls

My ex-boyfriend called me recently and wanted to catch up.  We remained friends and he checks in on me from time to time.  The conversation started off as usual, how are the kids? How am I doing?  How's the family and what have I been up to?  And of course, he asked that nosy question “am I dating anyone”.  When I said that I wasn’t dating anyone, that’s when the chat became a bit unusual.  

He shifted the conversation towards he and I possibly getting something started again, OMG, really?  That shocked me! We broke up over four years ago and we both have moved forth. As well as (not to put him on blast) the Dude is in a relationship with someone, can I say CHEATER!!   We ended our relationship because he was seeing someone else while we were together.  Mercy, this was one of the relationships that made me want to regroup and think about being in another relationship.  I discussed it in “Why Am I Single”. 

Dinner for One

While being here in Denver, I decided to go on a date alone.  At first, I thought this would be a bad idea but it turned out to be a big milestone for me.  I got all dolled up as if I was meeting a nice gentleman for dinner.  I went all out for myself; curled my hair and put on a nice pair of slacks, along with a dressy top. 

I arrived at Osteria Marco, an Artisan Italian Pizzeria restaurant that was recommended by the hotel staff on Larimer Street.  The atmosphere was very casual and nice.  I didn't know whether to sit at the bar or ask for a table for one.  I chose to sit on the patio so I can see the city skyline and do a little people watching.  I also thought this wouldn't look so unordinary being alone. I am glad I did because the bar was filled with couples.

While, I sat on the patio, couples or groups of people would pass and give me looks. I just chuckled and ordered off of the menu.  I ordered a Caesar salad as a starter and a classic Italian Mortadella, Prosciutto, and Salami with Provolone; Panini for my entree.  I ordered a glass of 2009 Pinot Grigio, Ca’Donini, which turned out to be a very good selection. 

Men’s Famous Breakup Lines

Oh yes, I am going there. I am doing this because we as women don’t want to see the “big picture” when men tell us their version of what they want or don’t want. Sometimes we really don’t understand what their “lines” mean. So I am taking the time out to define all of the lines that I have witness or was told by other females.

1. The “I need some time to find myself or I need space." line. If this is the line that is fed to you, please know that he is telling you that you need to go out and do whatever you want, because he is. Don’t wait around for him to come back. Give him all the SPACE in the world. Don’t call, text, email! Don’t even do the famous “surprise” run into him. Begin moving on!

2. The classic "It's Not You - It's Me” line. This is one is my favorites!!! Ugh, I think we all have heard this one. What he is saying is “It is you, it’s not him! This is his chicken crap way of letting you down easy. He wants something other than being in a relationship with you and he will place the blame on himself so it doesn’t impact you that hard. 

Why Single Life Works Best for Me!

Single life works for me because I am a WAY passed all of the ridiculousness; which are lies and bull crap that men feed you.   Men will do all the necessary things to get you. You slightly begin to let your guard down and that is when they go for the kill. 

Just recently, I pondered over whether or not to venture into a full blown relationship. Everything was going well. Communication was on point and the chemistry was there.  We weren’t trying to rush into anything real serious because of the different things that were going on in our lives.  We began to spend a lot of time together and began to make future plans; not marriage!  I offered him a couple of times to come and hang out with my friends, but due to his busy work schedule and kids he wasn’t able to.  Out of nowhere, WHAM there goes the change in the person.  His behavior became very different.  The phone conversations had become less, which turned into just text messaging. The text messages became fewer and fewer.  We didn’t hang out as often and we began to drift apart.  Things with us are totally different. We may text or call when we find time to check in.  It isn’t the same however we have remained friends.

A Date That Lasted Over Three Days!

This eventful date was one to write the world about; and so, I would like to share with you the best date I have ever been on in my entire life.

It all started with a text message asking how was I doing.  The text messages turned into a phone conversation.  The phone conversation lasted about an hour before I had to end the call, so I could visit some family members.  Before we ended the call, “Mr. Compatible” (how I will refer to him in this blog) asked if I would pass by his job after I leave from visiting. 

After spending time with my folks, I texted Mr. Compatible and told him that I was on my way to see him. When I got to his job, we stood outside and talked for an hour. It was a pleasure chatting with him.  No slang.  I didn’t have to try and figure out what he was talking about.  He didn’t say stupid off the wall things.  Just a very pleasant, decent and intellectual conversation, the made me want to stay there all night.  We planned to meet on Saturday for a real date. 

Oh, What a Day!

It all started off with a text message that stated “your flight has been delayed,” on the final day of my last trip! This delay generated a layover of three hours. Yes, ouch!  Sitting in the airport can be rather fun, but being there for three hours it can get a little unnerving.  We begin to pack up and start the journey towards the airport. Already trying to decide what in the world will we do for three hours? 

We arrived at the airport and noticed that the delay wasn’t going to be as long as we had thought, hooray!   We looked at each other and said okay everything should move along smoothly.  We got to the ticket counter and I asked for my identification and bank card from my travel companion, who had been holding them for me.

Should You Date a “True” Friend?

A question was asked recently regarding would you date or enter into a relationship with a “true” friend? I can honestly say that I have never dated a “true” friend. I have been in relationships with people who eventually became a friend. I believe that there are good and bad points about dating a “true” friend.

I perceive that the good points are: what better person to fall in love with than the one who knows you BEST? They don’t judge you for who you are. This is the person that you know without hesitation you can depend on. You will enjoy most of the same things and there is probably little to no room for disagreement. They have those remarkable words of encouragement. They give you that feeling of security. You trust them whole heartily. This is the person that shares the same common interests, morals, and values. You know without a doubt that they will not back down during the toughest times! All of these points are usually the foundation of a good relationship.

Beau Material

 

Urban Dictionary defines relationship (BEAU) material as: A status bestowed from one individual upon another exemplifying satisfaction anticipated from maintaining a relationship with that individual. This evaluation is highly subjective and typically reflects a great deal of personal preference.

So basically, “Beau Material” is a set of standards that a person looks for in their mate. It’s a detailed checklist or set of guidelines that are set forth.  My perspective of what a picture-perfect Boyfriend “Beau Material” should be is: 

I Have These on Repeat!

Why Am I Single

I was asked the other day Why am I single?

I choose to be single because I have been in four relationships with infidelity issues and one with a guy who had the best Houdini act in the world. I am unwilling to accept not being put first, not having a voice in the relationship, being taken for granted, or being lied to. I do not want to let myself be hurt again. I also do not want to find anymore WRONG partners!

Considering Recycling An Ex?

Typically people recycle clothes, shoes and plastic, why would anyone consider recycling a boyfriend?

First, I think one must determine the reason they decided to throw in the towel. Are they recycling the ex because they know their quirks, they were good looking, had a great job, had the assets, they were the one they dreamed of being married to and having those three kids?

Living Single on Valentine’s Day

I know you are feeling down and depressed because you are single on this “romantic” day.  You may want to hide away from everyone, but Valentine’s Day is actually "Singles Appreciation Day"!  That’s right; it is an appreciation that you are single and happy. 

So, instead of feeling depressed and ashamed for not having a significant other to spend the day, spend Valentine's Day in a constructive manner by expressing love and affection for people around you. One can thank and greet Valentine's Day to one's parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors or anyone dear to you.

Happens All In The Movies

Recently, I was tasked with a dilemma whether or not to date a married man. This guy was my high school crush.  He was the guy that I wanted to have as my boyfriend.  He was smart, tall, handsome, and every girl had to have him.  Things with us didn't work out because the guy was afraid to approach me. At the time, he and ex-boyfriend were basketball teammates. A chance meeting brought us into each other’s proximity, again.  We exchanged numbers and started talking about the past and the reasons why we never acted on our feelings.  Of course, he reiterated on how he didn't want to step on my ex-boyfriend’s toes, but wished he had.

I learned through conversation that he was married and finally wanted to pursue a relationship with me. He said that he would find time to spend with me.  He had the “Married Men” lines in order.  He recited:  We are together for the children, we don’t communicate like before, I’m not happy with her, she don’t pay attention to me so, she will not find out about us, and I am thinking about leaving her. BLAH, BLAH, doesn’t this sound like a Lifetime Movie?

Should Woman Be Submissive To Their Partners

On a date, I was chatting with a male friend and we got on the subject of women should be submissive to their partners.  He suggests that women should let the man know their whereabouts at all time.  Check in, ask permission for things and ask before making any decisions on anything.  Women are supposed to do everything a man says to do without question. Of course the old saying came flying out of his mouth "Do As I Say....Not As I Do!

Why Am I Writing A Blog?

This question has pondered my physic for some time now.  My question was answered when I was chatting with a friend about relationships; the good, bad and the ugly.   I told her that I wanted to write a blog about Living Single, Dating, Love and whatever advice I have given.   She said this will be interesting because you have some stories. I have always written my thoughts on paper, but never shared them with anyone.  So I have decided to share my humor and seriousness with the world.  I will share conversations, dates and thoughts with you.  Please feel free to ask questions or comment on my post.